Oh Look, It’s The Oscars™…

“Or, Why I Hate Awards Season” by S.R. Torris

I Do Not Own This Picture

We are in the season of self-righteousness, self-aggrandizement, and shallow compliments for hollow deeds done and, of course, the inevitability of minute injustices. Yes people, it is award season and it’s going to be a big stinking, festering pile this year.

Let’s see, the Critic’s Choice Awards, that passed, didn’t it? And the so-called People’s Choice Awards are done. They pulled a fast one with the Golden Globe Awards. Lured us in with hopes of Ricky Gervais giving a room full of pomposity the what-for and they basically had him on a leash all night. Leaving us with a bunch of nervous un-funny people trying to be funny while others, who knew their limitations, hit us with the quiet stoicism act. Yeah, I was real convinced by that. Although I did think William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman were cute…

Basically the “cool kids” of, insert whatever American High School you want because that’s all this really amounts to, High School for adults and the politics therein. They dress up real nice and get shiny sparkly things thrust in their anxious little hands, voted to them by the “unpopulars” who want so bad to be them. Unfortunately, the aforementioned unpopulars don’t have a genie at their disposal so they stay behind the scenes. They’ll hand over money to other outsiders they call “directors” (although I hear directors are part of the cool kids club now) so the cool kids get to do what they do and the unpopulars get to sit at the “cool” table on party night. Of course, we can’t ignore the 3 ½ hour party the cool kids throw for themselves – yes, let us prepare our collective barf bags for the stroke fest that is the Oscars™.
And I can’t seem to make up my mind which is worse, the actual program itself, the after show, or the horrendous Inside-Extra-Entertainment-Access-On-Hollywood-Tonight type show that tries to pass itself off as news. Two bubble-heads in a studio because bubble-heads come in pairs, talking extremely loud (why do they talk so loud when they’re sitting right next to each other?) as if speaking at a higher decibel level makes what they’re saying more important. Because it DOESN’T!

“CHARLIZE THERON IS WEARING VERSACE,” – oh good, world peace should spread all over at any moment. Thank you Charlize!

Of course the rest of the team can’t be outdone because they’re there, on the scene, on the… wait for it… Red Carpet! Botox Barbies and Kens, shoving a microphone in the scraped face of a more famous Botox Barbie and/or Ken asking the insipid yet, whogivesaratsass question, “Who are you wearing?” Just once I’d like to hear the answer be: “Something you and the viewers out there can’t afford.” And I’d want that celebrity to look right in the camera with the same vacant faraway look and cow-pie eating grin just as if they’d answered, “Prada.”
Or I’d accept Answer B: “Just a little something I picked up from Target.”
Or Answer C: “WalMart.”

At this point in my tirade I need to stop for a second and double check. Are there any slave, gang, maid, child abuse, Civil Rights, Civil War, or kind-hearted-white-person-saves-poor-Black-kid movies out? I’ve been seeing a lot of African-American faces that exceed the two Blacks per Award Show – also known as the Morgan Freeman and Oprah Quota.

I apologize if I appear a little more snarky than usual but the Great and Mighty George Clooney, with his incredible Golden Globe scrotal massage of Brad Pitt, reminded me how ludicrous and unimportant these shows are in the grand scheme of real life. Don’t get me wrong, art is needed in cultural society. That bears repeating so I will: Art is needed in cultural society. So when these barely-artists start yanking each other in public as if their brilliance shines brighter than it actually does, it tends to piss me off. George Clooney’s declaration and request for acknowledgment by the humble group gathered at the Golden Globe Awards, of the good that Brad Pitt does for the planet, with emphasis on planet left me, quite frankly, annoyed. But hope sprang forth in the knowledge that the true identity of Superman is none other than Brad Pitt.

So George, what does Brad – uh, Superman, have in store for the entire planet this year? Is he coming out with the cure for AIDS in a couple of weeks? How about cancer? Has he found a viable energy source that doesn’t involved further rape and pollution of the Earth? Is he going to stop that drought in Somalia? Flooding in Thailand? Radiation leaking in Japan? Is he stopping the violence in the Congo? Wait, wait, I know! He’s flying to America to create jobs or is it he’s teaching American children complex mathematics and sciences? Has he stopped gang violence? Maybe he’s going to intercede for the Tibetans, huh George? Did he rebuild Haiti already? I know what Super Brad did, he found Waldo! Congratulations!

Facetious, right? That’s Hollywood for you – don’t forget it’s Awards Season. And Meryl Streep being the incredible talent that she is will walk away empty handed again. Because talent is rarely awarded, just ask Martin Scorsese. That is all.

Hold on, I almost forgot. The Grammy’s are coming! The Grammy’s are coming! Rappers, Chris Brown, Elton John, Lady Gaga, Madonna… I’m sure there will be a bitch slap in there somewhere,

Now THAT’S entertainment.

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4 thoughts on “Oh Look, It’s The Oscars™…

  1. Now I hate most award shows though my reasons are completely different. I don’t hate them just so I can spit on the hard work of others. Spit on them celebrating achievements that are important to them. Yes, they have award shows where they get together and celebrate their achievements which get aired(and not all of them get aired or even acknowledged, mind you). Some don’t even come cause they’d like to stay home. There were several actors who came alone, without their spouse, cause the spouse wanted to stay home and watch football. Why? It’s a night out just like any other. You don’t wanna go then you don’t have to, but if you want to why not. It’s their choice. They wear expensive clothes, and jewelry, that they’re usually approached to wear to help show off the work of someone else. Showing off the work of others so that person can get recognition and make money too. As to the issue of race? That isn’t their fault. That is the fault of the award shows and many actors have spoken out against that to get them to try to change their ways. It’s not easy though since race is still a touchy issue even in this day and age, sadly. Look up the George Lucas story about the movie Red Tails and why he couldn’t get a studio to help do it.

    Now, onward to my purpose for commenting:

    There are alot of actors that are very down-to-earth or very concerned when it comes to causes. Who help out by making organizations or donating sums of money. Ever hear of Rashida Jones? Who doesn’t even have a steady acting job, but gives one of her paychecks to put up a family in need of a home and money until they can get back on their feet. Or Matt Damon who is defending teachers and their rights.

    Try paying attention to Twitter or even Facebook where they are themselves even at the risk of some lame paparazzi online site trying to broadcast it, and twist their words. Cause when these people are themselves? We tear them apart. We don’t let them be people, but more of them have put their foot down about that lately. Models and actors are the reason far more magazines are getting in trouble for airbrushing for example.

    No, Brad Pitt may not discover the cure for AIDS, but he and his girlfriend try to help find cures for it. They also try to help stop genocide. Them, and other actors, build homes for people who need them. They do things to help those in need both abroad, sometimes at the risk of their lives, and here: “He founded the Make It Right Foundation in 2006, organizing housing professionals in New Orleans to finance and construct 150 sustainable, affordable new houses in New Orleans’s Ninth Ward following the devastation caused by Hurricane Katrina.” So yes, let us trash people we don’t know cause we’re being presented a public image during an awards show. Let us not even recognize the things they might do outside of acting and directing which also helps our economy cause it makes money and guess what that means… it makes work. Work that some people like cameramen and script writers, and producers, etc. are in need of even now.

    • Dialogue! AWESOME! I love dialogue especially when one doesn’t agree with me. I get to check out other POVs and perhaps see something that I hadn’t seen or thought of before…

      Unfortunately, we’re going to stay on the disagreement train with this one. Maybe I should have waited a little while after watching the show to comment, you know, let the saccharine wash off me a little so I wouldn’t come across like Perez Hilton. Ugh… I do see celebrities as people, regular people who just so happen to have some of their life on display.

      It’s all High School as I tried to point out before. There are sports banquets in High School, and academic award ceremonies, and prom – you have to have prom, right? And being in High School you got to see the real person and the faces they show everyone else. Sure, the captain of the football team would get some Principal’s Achievement Award for athletic excellence and community service, right? And the whole school has to attend the function – parents stuffed in a gymnasium all proud of their kid. Meanwhile, out in the audience there are a group of kids that are bullied incessantly by this award winning pillar of the community…

      I’m not saying any of the people you’ve named are bullies or anything but I’m not impressed. Especially when I personally see many who do what you’ve mentioned they do and more, without all the accolades and people fawning all over them and for a fraction of the money.

      Yes, I’ve heard of Quincy Jones’s daughter Rashida and it’s quite commendable what she does. Denzel Washington is awesome too and not just with the Boys and Girls Club but the stuff he does for our Veterans. Sean Penn – Mia Farrow, ever heard of her? Now correct me if I’m wrong but I didn’t hear much celebrity firepower backing her when she tried to raise awareness about the 2008 Bejing Olympics. Sheesh where were WE? Watching it on NBC loving every bit of Michael Phelps not giving a damn about Mia Farrow or some people from Tibet! And I know about George Lucas’s story too because I’ve heard it before – from Spike Lee. And Tlyer Perry. And John Singleton. And Reggie Rock Blythewood, check out HIS story when he tried to get “Biker Boyz” done.

      And I don’t have to crap on their work, most of it’s crap anyway and the stuff that’s good rarely gets the props it deserves.

      Hollywood and all therein is a microcosm of America – and all therein. Not everything is the fault of a studio… So I wouldn’t check twitter because half those cats have assistants who write their feeds. And when the pressure’s on they delete their twitter accounts, why? Because these “real” regular folks have publicists that help them draw the line on how “real” they should be. After all, real recognizes real.

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