I’ll admit it, I was watching that pompous ass’s “Celebrity Apprentice”, primarily to view the obvious meltdown that would be Nene and Star Jones.**
Suddenly, the President of theUnited States breaks in on the drama to announce some of his own: his orders to SEAL Team Six were carried out, Osama Bin Laden is dead!
Well, let me explain my exuberance. The Devil had been kicking my ass all over last year’s calendar. It felt like he was paying extra special attention to me; all I needed were some boils, a flood, and locusts to descend upon my person to make the ass kickation complete.
But then he cometh from the west, with the help of some dedicated guys, the POTUS smiteth Osama. With one nod of his head (or whatever signal he used to give the affirmative) the shoe was on the other foot and the Devil would catch his own hell with a new resident on the way. I know that doesn’t sound… Because the Devil’s already in Hell and he’s the chief there so…
Anyway, I thought what a great time to rub it in old Mephisto’s face so I got on the horn, no pun intended, and called: T-Mobile Customer Service! Since I’d lost his number in a laundry mishap, Customer Service was the only shortcut I knew to get me connected directly to Hell.
And that’s how I met Hector. He’s a Green Demon, he’d want me to tell you that – don’t worry, I’ll share our conversation on the specifics of Demonological Coloring.
I never did get to speak to Clove Foot but I made an interesting acquaintance in Hector. So if you’re on a call with him and he puts you on hold, for a LONG time, let me just apologize in advance for that – sometimes we can get a real party line going.
The least I could do is let you listen in…
**Formula #45: When considering a ratings booster, pit two Black chicks (any denomination is acceptable – African-Americans and Jamaicans are preferable) against one another. It is imperative that one be loud (very loud) and can do that “neck thing”, that “finger-point neck thing” combination or television gold, the “clap-out-each-syl-la-ble when she’s mad” thing. She must mention “the streets” and/or “street game” and call her opponent a “bitch” at least five times in her first sentence for maximum “Oh SNAP!” output.