Hai·ku (n.) a form of Japanese poetry with 17 syllables in three unrhymed lines of five, seven, and five syllables, often describing nature or a season.

So last year I tried this discipline of poetry with some people I met on twitter. Believe me when I say, it’s a lot harder to do than you think. But I finally got the hang of it, spouting them out like I was straight from the Tokugawa Period – if the Tokugawa Period encompassed the Hood being enraptured by Jane Austin with attempts at witty cynicism.

Yeah, that’s right…

My fellow tweeters and I only had the technical part of the Haiku, you know, that five-seven-five stuff. As for the artistic merit and constraints placed on Haiku, “nature” and “seasons” was the farthest thing from what we were doing.

Alas! Ours were false Haiku. Fake-ku or FauxKu™ for the sophisticates traveling through here.

I gotta say though, we liked doing our FauxKu™ and we kept it going until I became negligent in my tweeting… I think they still press on and so will I.

In that spirit, I will share my FauxKu™ and if you have some please feel free to do so as well. Perhaps our words will reach back and touch Matsuo Basho so deeply that he would exclaim:

You damn Westerners

F*cking with our ancient thing

Do what you want to.

Friends, I urge you to do the same – f*ck with it!


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